Help another person build confidence
If you care about someone who struggles with self-confidence, it can be incredibly painful. Seeing them hold themselves back is hard. You wish they could see the good YOU see in them and make the most of their potential.
This can be true with your children, other family members, your students, employees or friends.
I feel your pain. I went through this when my kids were ‘tweens and teens and also with members of my team back in my corporate days. There are a couple of other friends and family members I’ve worried about and tried to boost up over the years.
You may have tried lots of things already, if you’re here looking for ideas. And I’m happy to say there ARE good ideas you might not have tried yet.
This page contains
Causes of low self-confidence
Reasons to be hopeful
Causes of low self-confidence
There a many reasons people feel a lack of confidence, including:
- Negative messages from influential people like parents, peers and teachers
- Childhood bullying
- The tendency to compare ourselves unfavorably to others
- Social norms about gender, race and sexuality
- A genetic predisposition toward negativity, depression or anxiety
- Advertising in general, which aims to make us feel insecure so we’ll buy products and services
All of this can lead people to believe – and to tell themselves repeatedly – how flawed they are. What we need is something to counter these beliefs.
Reasons to be HopefulWhile we can’t rewire someone’s thinking and MAKE them feel better about themselves, we can offer them new, positive ways to see and think about themselves. The fields of positive psychology and life coaching offer many proven strategies that work if the other person is willing to be helped. Positive psychology is a scientific approach to studying human thoughts, feelings and behavior, with a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses. When someone takes a scientific strengths assessment, they can’t dismiss the results the way they might dismiss your compliments. I felt the impact of this myself ten years ago and have seen it light up hundreds of people since then, from school children right up to the CEO of an international corporation. Your strengths are a FACT, not an opinion, and the whole field of positive psychology is based on using strengths in ways that build happiness, overall well-being and life satisfaction, gratitude, achievement and even better relationships.
Life coaching is full of tools that help people feel better about themselves and to live more confidently.
Essentially, I will be empowering you to coach the person or people you want to help. By the end of six sessions, you will have the tools to help others build their confidence (and will build yours in the process).
What I offer
I offer free information and resources on this site as well as one-on-one coaching. I’ve outlined a six-session coaching program below to show you exactly what you could learn and receive working with me.
Pre-coaching informational chat
Before you commit your time or money, we’d talk for half an hour to answer your questions and see if this feels like a good solution for you. You can schedule that right now if you like.
What we’ll cover: Some basic coaching principles, adopting the mindset of a coach, details about the person you want to help, adopting a strengths focus and assessing your own strengths; being a role model for confidence.
What you’ll receive: A link to take the VIA Assessment of Character Strengths yourself; a 20-page report on your strengths; PDFs of “Basic Coaching Principles” and “The Mindset of a Coach”
What we’ll cover: The origins and destructiveness of the inner critic; ways in which the person you want to help is self-critical and self-sabotaging; ways to help your person respond more positively to their critical messages; feedback on your own strengths assessment; and why we tend to focus on our weaknesses instead of our strengths.
What you’ll receive: Ideas and worksheets to help shift from negative to neutral or positive self-talk (drawn from positive psychology, the field of non-violent communications and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).
What we’ll cover: Being supportive without getting caught up in another person’s drama; continuing to counter our most persistent negative self-talk; strategies for building hope and optimism; using strengths to build a positive self-image.
What you’ll receive: The ‘BATHE’ worksheet for supportive conversations and a What Went Well & Why gratitude journal.
What we’ll cover: How to be the kind of listener who builds confidence in others; how to give constructive feedback that lets you be honest and kind at the same time.
What you’ll receive: Worksheets on Active-Constructive Responding and ISPEAQ, a template for difficult conversations.
What we’ll cover: How to build a strengths-based life and career, including a ‘job crafting’ process for applying anyone’s unique strengths to their work (or school, if you’re working with a student).
What you’ll receive: A job-crafting template plus a PERMAH Planner and instructions for using it. PERMAH stands for positive feelings, engagement, relationships, meaning, accomplishment and health, which in positive psychology are considered the six aspects of human well-being.
What we’ll cover: Building resiliency and self-compassion when things go wrong; any issues still troubling the person you want to help and/or your role as a coach for that person. Pulling the whole program together and making a plan for the future
What you’ll receive: Resiliency tool; any additional tools or resources that we agree could help as you move forward, specific to you and your person.
Sometimes asking the right questions -- and giving a little love -- is all that's needed. If you care about someone who's struggling with coronavirus or any other stressor right now, you may want to help but not be sure how to do it. The method described here, called...
For most of my life, I pushed myself very hard. As the first child, it seemed there was never enough I could do to help my mom. When my little brothers came along, I did all I could to help with them and to cause no trouble of my...
Here's a little template for you to remind yourself of the many things that make you happy. Use it to boost your mood right now or as a reminder someday when you're feeling blue. Click the title below to get the PDF. What makes me happy? If you use it, I'd love to...
I almost drowned in the ocean when I was 16. I was playing with some friends along a rocky coast in northern California when the sand fell away suddenly and I got pulled into an undertow. For the next very long couple of minutes I tumbled around in the current and was...
I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal since my son was born almost 23 years ago. I got the idea from Oprah, who was doing it because she said it helped us appreciate the good in life and could even make us happier (science now proves her right). This mattered to me...
This is the fourth in a series of six posts exploring the strengths that make kids intelligent, courageous, good with other people, involved in their communities and connected with something larger than themselves. The purpose of the series is to give you new ideas...
“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” ~ John Steinbeck ~ I’ve been sick for two weeks and the kids were home for spring break for one of them. I haven’t gotten much done. I haven’t written anything blog-worthy, haven’t been active on social...
This is the third in a series of six posts exploring the strengths that make kids intelligent, courageous, good with other people, involved in their communities and connected with something larger than themselves. The purpose of the series is to give you new...
My husband used to be hard-wired to be a fixer. There were times I just wanted a listening ear, a hug, an “Ag, shame” – the phrase South Africans say that means, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry to hear that.” Listen here: So imagine my horror the day my son said...
I am not a professional expert on this but do have experience talking to and trying to soothe my own kids after violent events. Fortunately my son was too young to remember the Columbine shootings when we were living in Littleton, Colorado, but we lived in New York on...
This is the second in a series of six posts exploring the strengths that make kids intelligent, courageous, good with other people, involved in their communities and connected with something larger than themselves. The purpose of the series is to give...
I was so fired up after reading Dan Pink’s book, A Whole New Mind, in 2010, that the day after I finished it I made an appointment to tell the headmaster of my son’s school about it. I loved the way it described not just the potential but the NEED for creative people...
All resources are free to download.
24 Ways to See the Best in Every Child:
Solve it With Strengths:
Get started right now!
Get my free workbook, 24 Ways to See the Best in Yourself.
You’ll also receive my occasional and very encouraging emails.