Help another person build confidence

If you care about someone who struggles with self-confidence, it can be incredibly painful. Seeing them hold themselves back is hard. You wish they could see the good YOU see in them and make the most of their potential.

This can be true with your children, other family members, your students, employees or friends.

I feel your pain. I went through this when my kids were ‘tweens and teens and also with members of my team back in my corporate days. There are a couple of other friends and family members I’ve worried about and tried to boost up over the years.

You may have tried lots of things already, if you’re here looking for ideas. And I’m happy to say there ARE good ideas you might not have tried yet.

This page contains 

Causes of low self-confidence

Reasons to be hopeful

Coaching Program

Blog Posts

Resources

Causes of low self-confidence

There a many reasons people feel a lack of confidence, including:

  • Negative messages from influential people like parents, peers and teachers
  • Childhood bullying
  • The tendency to compare ourselves unfavorably to others
  • Social norms about gender, race and sexuality
  • A genetic predisposition toward negativity, depression or anxiety
  • Advertising in general, which aims to make us feel insecure so we’ll buy products and services

All of this can lead people to believe – and to tell themselves repeatedly – how flawed they are. What we need is something to counter these beliefs.

Reasons to be Hopeful

While we can’t rewire someone’s thinking and MAKE them feel better about themselves, we can offer them new, positive ways to see and think about themselves. The fields of positive psychology and life coaching offer many proven strategies that work if the other person is willing to be helped. Positive psychology is a scientific approach to studying human thoughts, feelings and behavior, with a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses. When someone takes a scientific strengths assessment, they can’t dismiss the results the way they might dismiss your compliments. I felt the impact of this myself ten years ago and have seen it light up hundreds of people since then, from school children right up to the CEO of an international corporation. Your strengths are a FACT, not an opinion, and the whole field of positive psychology is based on using strengths in ways that build happiness, overall well-being and life satisfaction, gratitude, achievement and even better relationships.

Life coaching is full of tools that help people feel better about themselves and to live more confidently.

Essentially, I will be empowering you to coach the person or people you want to help. By the end of six sessions, you will have the tools to help others build their confidence (and will build yours in the process).

What I offer

I offer free information and resources on this site as well as one-on-one coaching. I’ve outlined a six-session coaching program below to show you exactly what you could learn and receive working with me.

Coaching Program

Pre-coaching informational chat

Before you commit your time or money, we’d talk for half an hour to answer your questions and see if this feels like a good solution for you. You can schedule that right now if you like.

Session 1

What we’ll cover: Some basic coaching principles, adopting the mindset of a coach, details about the person you want to help, adopting a strengths focus and assessing your own strengths; being a role model for confidence.
What you’ll receive: A link to take the VIA Assessment of Character Strengths yourself; a 20-page report on your strengths; PDFs of “Basic Coaching Principles” and “The Mindset of a Coach”

Session 2

What we’ll cover: The origins and destructiveness of the inner critic; ways in which the person you want to help is self-critical and self-sabotaging; ways to help your person respond more positively to their critical messages; feedback on your own strengths assessment; and why we tend to focus on our weaknesses instead of our strengths.
What you’ll receive: Ideas and worksheets to help shift from negative to neutral or positive self-talk (drawn from positive psychology, the field of non-violent communications and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

Session 3

What we’ll cover: Being supportive without getting caught up in another person’s drama; continuing to counter our most persistent negative self-talk; strategies for building hope and optimism; using strengths to build a positive self-image.
What you’ll receive: The ‘BATHE’ worksheet for supportive conversations and a What Went Well & Why gratitude journal.

Session 4

What we’ll cover: How to be the kind of listener who builds confidence in others; how to give constructive feedback that lets you be honest and kind at the same time.
What you’ll receive: Worksheets on Active-Constructive Responding and ISPEAQ, a template for difficult conversations.

Session 5

What we’ll cover: How to build a strengths-based life and career, including a ‘job crafting’ process for applying anyone’s unique strengths to their work (or school, if you’re working with a student).
What you’ll receive: A job-crafting template plus a PERMAH Planner and instructions for using it. PERMAH stands for positive feelings, engagement, relationships, meaning, accomplishment and health, which in positive psychology are considered the six aspects of human well-being.

Session 6

What we’ll cover: Building resiliency and self-compassion when things go wrong; any issues still troubling the person you want to help and/or your role as a coach for that person. Pulling the whole program together and making a plan for the future
What you’ll receive: Resiliency tool; any additional tools or resources that we agree could help as you move forward, specific to you and your person.

Blog Posts

Five Fabulous Ways Children Are Smart

Five Fabulous Ways Children Are Smart

This is the first in a series of posts exploring the strengths that make kids intelligent, courageous, good with other people, involved in their communities and connected with something larger than themselves. The purpose of the series is to give you new ideas for...

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Four Steps To Help Your Teens Be Happier

Four Steps To Help Your Teens Be Happier

  If your child is feeling insecure and unhappy, one of the most helpful things you can do is introduce them to their inner strengths and teach them how to use them. In schools around the world where this has been taught to students, researchers found significant...

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Six Ways to Help Your Kids Conquer Back-to-School Nerves

Six Ways to Help Your Kids Conquer Back-to-School Nerves

From the beginning of seventh grade until halfway into my first year of high school, I dreaded going to school. Some days, I'd get the same physical symptoms as if I were being chased by a lion: racing heart, surging adrenaline, dry mouth, upset stomach. I didn't feel...

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A Much Better Way to Read Report Cards

A Much Better Way to Read Report Cards

Do you remember that awful feeling of bringing home a report card that had a disappointing grade on it? The dread of having your parents focus right in on that grade and asking, "So what happened in ___________?" And then the shame that followed when you tried to...

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Mommy See, Mommy Do

Mommy See, Mommy Do

I taught my daughter to be insecure and perfectionistic and to care a lot about what other people think of her. I didn't intend to teach her these things, of course, any more than my mother intended to teach them to me. Sadly, we are in good company: Insecurity...

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Why It’s OK to Focus on Strengths Instead of Weaknesses

Why It’s OK to Focus on Strengths Instead of Weaknesses

One of the things I do with clients is review the results of their strengths and personality assessments. Virtually every one of them scans quickly over their positive feedback and zooms in on the things that make them cringe, like the strengths at the bottom of their...

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A Fun Way to Help Your Kids Understand Their Inner Strengths

A Fun Way to Help Your Kids Understand Their Inner Strengths

When my kids were in their ‘tweens,’ something alarming and tragic started happening: they started being less of who they really were. My wild and kooky daughter became self-conscious and subdued. My silly and tender-hearted son started wondering whether he should be...

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Dear 13-year-old me…

Dear 13-year-old me…

Dear 7th-grade Kris, I know you're going through a tough time right now, and I'm writing from the future to help you feel better and get through it. Things get a lot better in high school and eventually turn out really well, but even now you possess some good and...

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Acknowledging People’s Strengths Can Change Their Lives

When my son was young, he really struggled to concentrate in school. He didn’t have attention-deficit disorder, he just had a wandering mind. There was usually an adventure story happening in his head that was much more interesting than what was happening in class....

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48 Ways to Handle Life’s Challenges

One of the minor challenges I need to manage every day is driving in Johannesburg. Those of you who live here know what I'm talking about; for the rest of you, Jozi was once named one of the world's worst cities for commuting, largely thanks to the wild and illegal...

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Resources

All resources are free to download.

24 Ways to See the Best in Every Child:

A ten-page booklet that will help you identify a child’s (or anyone’s) strengths and help build their confidence

Solve it With Strengths:

Forty-eight ideas for using one’s strengths to handle life’s challenges

Get started right now!

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