Help another person build confidence

If you care about someone who struggles with self-confidence, it can be incredibly painful. Seeing them hold themselves back is hard. You wish they could see the good YOU see in them and make the most of their potential.

This can be true with your children, other family members, your students, employees or friends.

I feel your pain. I went through this when my kids were ‘tweens and teens and also with members of my team back in my corporate days. There are a couple of other friends and family members I’ve worried about and tried to boost up over the years.

You may have tried lots of things already, if you’re here looking for ideas. And I’m happy to say there ARE good ideas you might not have tried yet.

This page contains 

Causes of low self-confidence

Reasons to be hopeful

Coaching Program

Blog Posts


Causes of low self-confidence

There a many reasons people feel a lack of confidence, including:

  • Negative messages from influential people like parents, peers and teachers
  • Childhood bullying
  • The tendency to compare ourselves unfavorably to others
  • Social norms about gender, race and sexuality
  • A genetic predisposition toward negativity, depression or anxiety
  • Advertising in general, which aims to make us feel insecure so we’ll buy products and services

All of this can lead people to believe – and to tell themselves repeatedly – how flawed they are. What we need is something to counter these beliefs.

Reasons to be Hopeful

While we can’t rewire someone’s thinking and MAKE them feel better about themselves, we can offer them new, positive ways to see and think about themselves. The fields of positive psychology and life coaching offer many proven strategies that work if the other person is willing to be helped. Positive psychology is a scientific approach to studying human thoughts, feelings and behavior, with a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses. When someone takes a scientific strengths assessment, they can’t dismiss the results the way they might dismiss your compliments. I felt the impact of this myself ten years ago and have seen it light up hundreds of people since then, from school children right up to the CEO of an international corporation. Your strengths are a FACT, not an opinion, and the whole field of positive psychology is based on using strengths in ways that build happiness, overall well-being and life satisfaction, gratitude, achievement and even better relationships.

Life coaching is full of tools that help people feel better about themselves and to live more confidently.

Essentially, I will be empowering you to coach the person or people you want to help. By the end of six sessions, you will have the tools to help others build their confidence (and will build yours in the process).

What I offer

I offer free information and resources on this site as well as one-on-one coaching. I’ve outlined a six-session coaching program below to show you exactly what you could learn and receive working with me.

Coaching Program

Pre-coaching informational chat

Before you commit your time or money, we’d talk for half an hour to answer your questions and see if this feels like a good solution for you. You can schedule that right now if you like.

Session 1

What we’ll cover: Some basic coaching principles, adopting the mindset of a coach, details about the person you want to help, adopting a strengths focus and assessing your own strengths; being a role model for confidence.
What you’ll receive: A link to take the VIA Assessment of Character Strengths yourself; a 20-page report on your strengths; PDFs of “Basic Coaching Principles” and “The Mindset of a Coach”

Session 2

What we’ll cover: The origins and destructiveness of the inner critic; ways in which the person you want to help is self-critical and self-sabotaging; ways to help your person respond more positively to their critical messages; feedback on your own strengths assessment; and why we tend to focus on our weaknesses instead of our strengths.
What you’ll receive: Ideas and worksheets to help shift from negative to neutral or positive self-talk (drawn from positive psychology, the field of non-violent communications and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

Session 3

What we’ll cover: Being supportive without getting caught up in another person’s drama; continuing to counter our most persistent negative self-talk; strategies for building hope and optimism; using strengths to build a positive self-image.
What you’ll receive: The ‘BATHE’ worksheet for supportive conversations and a What Went Well & Why gratitude journal.

Session 4

What we’ll cover: How to be the kind of listener who builds confidence in others; how to give constructive feedback that lets you be honest and kind at the same time.
What you’ll receive: Worksheets on Active-Constructive Responding and ISPEAQ, a template for difficult conversations.

Session 5

What we’ll cover: How to build a strengths-based life and career, including a ‘job crafting’ process for applying anyone’s unique strengths to their work (or school, if you’re working with a student).
What you’ll receive: A job-crafting template plus a PERMAH Planner and instructions for using it. PERMAH stands for positive feelings, engagement, relationships, meaning, accomplishment and health, which in positive psychology are considered the six aspects of human well-being.

Session 6

What we’ll cover: Building resiliency and self-compassion when things go wrong; any issues still troubling the person you want to help and/or your role as a coach for that person. Pulling the whole program together and making a plan for the future
What you’ll receive: Resiliency tool; any additional tools or resources that we agree could help as you move forward, specific to you and your person.

Blog Posts

My Radio Interview with Jenny Crwys-Williams

Jenny Crwys-Williams' program is Johannesburg's top-rated English-speaking afternoon talk show, so I was delighted to be invited to spend half an hour chatting with her about character strengths. We touched on the background, the science and the importance of all of...

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How to Help Others Discover Their Strengths

What do you say when someone asks you, "what should I do?" Or, "how should I do it?" As a leader, you probably get asked these questions all the time. Your employees, students or children look to you for leadership -- and sometimes it's easiest to tell them what YOU...

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Four Ways to Use Your Strengths Every Day

"It's true, I really can see a pattern in the strengths I use!" My daughter Sarah, 15, had been keeping the What Went Well journal for three days and I'd asked her what she thought of it. "Hurray!" was my reply, for two reasons: the journal was working, but even more...

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The First ‘Flourishing School’ in Africa

On Monday last week, I launched the first full-school Flourishing School program in South Africa at Masibambane College in Orange Farm, south of Johannesburg. This amazing school is home to more than 1000 students and is about to graduate its first matriculants, who...

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All resources are free to download.

24 Ways to See the Best in Every Child:

A ten-page booklet that will help you identify a child’s (or anyone’s) strengths and help build their confidence

Solve it With Strengths:

Forty-eight ideas for using one’s strengths to handle life’s challenges

Get started right now!

Get my free workbook, 24 Ways to See the Best in Yourself.
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